DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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