so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
