no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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