just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
