Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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