his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
