I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
