Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
