HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
