This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
