I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want to make out with him forever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
