she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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