SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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