Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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