It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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