Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
