i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
