I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize