I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
