I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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