if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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