my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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