Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
