I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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