I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
