How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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