Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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