fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
