No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
