there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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