It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
