When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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