can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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