We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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