I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
