I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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