You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
