yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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