and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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