when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
