If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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