I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
