Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize