They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
