Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
