Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
