You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize