You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
