Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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