He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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