i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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