Cold hands, warm shart.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
