This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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