Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
