My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
