i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she told me i tasted like america
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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