My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
