I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
