i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
