hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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