K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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