So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
