i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
