I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
