OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
